1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,536 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,676 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,579 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:17,949 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:21,303 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,371 --> 00:00:23,121 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,856 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:29,895 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,069 Hey, Meg. What are you up to? 11 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,405 Not much. Just finished an angel food cake. 12 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:41,940 Might go out to the trash, 13 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,453 see if there's any possums to kiss. 14 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,909 I was just out there. 15 00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:48,590 Oh, come on, it's your senior year. 16 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,577 Somebody must be having a party or something. 17 00:00:50,601 --> 00:00:53,668 Well, there's one. But... I wasn't invited. 18 00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:55,153 Well, so what? Go crash it. 19 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,622 Nah. Not my style. And what do you care? 20 00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,525 Do you want the TV or something? 21 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:04,062 What? No, no. I want... I want to see you have fun. 22 00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:06,782 Come on, you should go, you know? Let loose a little. 23 00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:08,784 You know what? You're right. 24 00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:10,769 Maybe I will give it a shot. 25 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,404 Yeah. How awkward could it be? 26 00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,117 Can't be worse than waving at someone 27 00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,540 who doesn't wave back at you. 28 00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,262 - No, not you. - Oh. Sorry. 29 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,131 In fact, everyone but you. 30 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,666 Hi, everyone but him! 31 00:01:24,735 --> 00:01:25,834 Hi! 32 00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:33,408 Lou, I like you a lot, but I-I think that's the last tape 33 00:01:33,476 --> 00:01:35,977 of you having sex with your girlfriend I want to see. 34 00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:37,245 Suit yourself. 35 00:01:37,313 --> 00:01:39,514 All right, I got to get over to my mom's wake. 36 00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:42,050 Oh, right, yeah. Crap. Ugh. Sorry again. 37 00:01:42,118 --> 00:01:44,019 - Oof. Cancer. - Car accident. 38 00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:45,687 No, I know, I just, I'm... 39 00:01:45,756 --> 00:01:48,523 saying it feels like everyone's getting cancer. 40 00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:49,824 You know, Bowie. 41 00:01:55,131 --> 00:01:57,866 Time to get creepay... 42 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,104 Huh. Kid family. 43 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,466 What a scumbag. 44 00:02:18,822 --> 00:02:20,055 Aw... 45 00:02:21,659 --> 00:02:23,570 Because I'm working all day! 46 00:02:23,594 --> 00:02:26,695 Oh, yeah? Well, here's what I think of your stupid work! 47 00:02:26,764 --> 00:02:28,263 Don't you do that! 48 00:02:28,331 --> 00:02:29,931 Fiona, don't you... 49 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,152 Is that Principal Shepherd? 50 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:37,088 Wow, that looks like a rocky relationship. 51 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,824 "Rocky relationship." 52 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,510 Ha-ha! 53 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,999 Oh, come on, Brian. 54 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,401 Don't comment or like it. 55 00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:52,053 It's a hard lesson, but one he has to learn. 56 00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:08,187 All right, ladies, time to mingle. 57 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:11,056 Hey. You guys talking Big Bang over here? 58 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,391 Big Bang Theory? 59 00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:14,959 No? Any Bangers over here? 60 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,144 No? 61 00:03:16,213 --> 00:03:17,579 Well, I've tried everything. 62 00:03:17,648 --> 00:03:20,199 We just don't have anything in common with these guys. 63 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:24,503 Maybe... we don't need anything in common with them. 64 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,808 Meg, come on, don't go crazy. 65 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,343 Damn, that's hot! 66 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,181 - That was just lucky. - Oh, yeah? 67 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,889 Wow! Meg's so good at casually tossing bottles 68 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,668 over her shoulder so they land upright! 69 00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,203 And that's very popular right now, 70 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,311 because we've run out of things on Earth. 71 00:03:49,379 --> 00:03:51,947 Meg, that was amazing! 72 00:03:52,015 --> 00:03:54,349 What can I say? I'm full of surprises. 73 00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:56,368 Like the end of The Usual Suspects. 74 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,120 ♪ ♪ 75 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,943 He was gay the whole time! 76 00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:12,367 ♪ Boughs of holly Rockin' around... ♪ 77 00:04:12,435 --> 00:04:14,014 Okay, they're obviously home. 78 00:04:14,038 --> 00:04:16,271 You'd have to be dumb to try to rob that place. 79 00:04:19,275 --> 00:04:20,575 Oh, yes! 80 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,469 I hate the guy, but he's good. 81 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,079 Oh, my God. 82 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,682 What the... what the hell is going on over there? 83 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:46,518 Did he... 84 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,665 - Hello. - - Hey, Stewie, it's me. 85 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,855 - You got a second? - Brian? Hang on. 86 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,636 Hey, keep it down, you screwballs. 87 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,487 Here, let me just go somewhere a little quieter. 88 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:57,195 Oh, yeah, right. I'm the screwball. 89 00:04:57,247 --> 00:04:59,281 You and friends say "screwball" a lot. 90 00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,700 That's what happens when you run with a screwy crowd. 91 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:04,235 - What's up with you? - Stewie, I think... 92 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,554 I think Principal Shepherd killed his wife. 93 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,134 What? What are you talking about? 94 00:05:08,158 --> 00:05:10,225 I think I saw him getting rid of her body. 95 00:05:10,293 --> 00:05:12,327 And carrying a bag with something heavy in it. 96 00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,763 And... and there was red liquid dripping from it. 97 00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,442 Okay, I've got to see this for myself. 98 00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,277 Don't do anything. I'm coming over. 99 00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:19,645 Hey, listen, you-you don't think... 100 00:05:19,669 --> 00:05:21,614 you don't think you could snag a couple of rolls 101 00:05:21,638 --> 00:05:22,904 of toilet paper, could you? 102 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,275 - Stewie? - I'm here. I just wanted you 103 00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:29,344 to have to sit with those words for a minute. 104 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,649 Kids, dinner's ready! 105 00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:35,984 "Dinner's ready." 106 00:05:36,052 --> 00:05:37,351 Shut up. 107 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,921 Little of the old schnappster ought to get me right. 108 00:05:41,491 --> 00:05:43,591 'Ey... Chrissay! 109 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:46,161 Well, that's delightfully informal, Meg. 110 00:05:46,229 --> 00:05:47,612 How the heck are ya? 111 00:05:51,301 --> 00:05:53,113 So, what are you kids doing in school? 112 00:05:53,137 --> 00:05:55,470 I got in trouble for saying something "insensitive" 113 00:05:55,538 --> 00:05:56,788 to trans kids. 114 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,923 - What'd you say? - Well, a few them started 115 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,237 this a cappella group, and they're all kind of chubby. 116 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,728 So I said, "You guys should call yourselves 117 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,296 the Trans Fats." 118 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:08,233 Meg, you'll sit next to me this evening. 119 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,946 - But, Dad... - I'm sorry, Chris. 120 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,303 You've fallen out of favor. Perhaps forever. 121 00:06:18,094 --> 00:06:19,705 Oh, Stewie, thank God you're here. 122 00:06:19,729 --> 00:06:21,747 There's a seagull in your hallway. 123 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,081 Listen, what are we gonna do 124 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,033 about this Principal Shepherd thing? 125 00:06:25,102 --> 00:06:27,969 Look, all you know is that the guy was carrying a wet bag. 126 00:06:28,038 --> 00:06:29,548 It doesn't mean he killed his wife. 127 00:06:29,572 --> 00:06:31,484 You're building this whole theory... 128 00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:34,209 - What is that noise? - It's a news alert. 129 00:06:34,277 --> 00:06:37,678 "Fiona Shepherd, wife of James Woods High School principal 130 00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:40,615 John Shepherd, has been reported missing." 131 00:06:40,683 --> 00:06:42,717 Oh, my God, maybe he did do it. 132 00:06:42,785 --> 00:06:44,985 You know, there are some bad people in this world. 133 00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:46,399 Hey, you don't got to tell me that. 134 00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:48,239 I learned that in Fight Club. 135 00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:51,009 All right, Stewie, what's the first rule of Fight Club? 136 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,644 G-string underwear. 137 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,013 No. It's "don't talk about Fight Club." 138 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,181 Oh. Well, I really blew it. 139 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,424 Hey-o! What's up in this piece? 140 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:07,959 You're getting home late. 141 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,161 Yeah. We were hanging out in the woods, and... 142 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,333 this one girl pushed another girl over 143 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,768 while she was peeing. 144 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:18,770 They fought, and then the cops came. 145 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,538 Meg, this is important. 146 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,157 Did she fall in the pee? 147 00:07:22,225 --> 00:07:23,524 I can smell your breath. 148 00:07:23,593 --> 00:07:25,304 You've been drinking, haven't you? 149 00:07:25,328 --> 00:07:29,363 No! Geez, Mom, get off my back. 150 00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:31,332 Peter, I think she's doing booze. 151 00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:32,567 What should we do? 152 00:07:32,635 --> 00:07:34,335 Lois, she's just being a teenager. 153 00:07:34,404 --> 00:07:35,636 We don't know she's, like, 154 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,349 for sure, definitely been drinking. 155 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,140 I found this in her room. 156 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,725 My little girl's a drunk! 157 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,262 Oh, my God, where did we go wrong? 158 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,670 Meg, we need to talk. 159 00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,972 What, Mom? But I know what you're gonna say, 160 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,635 and I know how you're gonna say it. 161 00:07:56,659 --> 00:07:58,159 - Oh, really? - Yep. 162 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,538 I don't want you drinkin' 163 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,763 or your life's gonna go down the crappah. 164 00:08:01,832 --> 00:08:03,631 That's not bad. 165 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,767 I-I mean, I sound nothing like that, 166 00:08:05,836 --> 00:08:08,970 but it's a fun character. Heh. But this is serious. 167 00:08:09,039 --> 00:08:10,972 Alcoholism runs in our family. 168 00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,519 Hey, I'm just glad something runs in this family. 169 00:08:15,145 --> 00:08:16,778 I don't mean to... 170 00:08:16,847 --> 00:08:19,497 I-I don't mean to laugh, okay? But that was funny. 171 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,148 Mom, I'm just having fun. 172 00:08:21,217 --> 00:08:23,985 I'm finally known as something other than "the chubby girl 173 00:08:24,054 --> 00:08:25,954 who put the lunch lady in a headlock." 174 00:08:26,022 --> 00:08:27,822 And besides, Dad's the one 175 00:08:27,891 --> 00:08:29,519 who pushed me into going to that party. 176 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:31,208 Oh, he did, did he? 177 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,523 Son of a bitch. What was that? 178 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:37,198 I don't know. Someone must've messed something up. 179 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,412 Listen, you need to talk to Meg about her drinking. 180 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,602 What? Why me? 181 00:08:40,671 --> 00:08:42,081 Because you're the one who told her 182 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:43,971 to start going to these parties. 183 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,407 Okay, fine. 184 00:08:45,475 --> 00:08:47,509 I guess it's just something I got to deal with. 185 00:08:47,577 --> 00:08:49,777 Like the flush of a high-powered toilet. 186 00:08:58,554 --> 00:09:01,606 So, you plan on going back at that banana, huh? 187 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,319 So the bastard killed his wife, 188 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,976 and then reported her missing. 189 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,011 I-I got to... I got to call the cops. 190 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,266 - Quahog Police. - Joe, Joe, it's Brian. 191 00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:12,978 Listen, I have to tell you something. 192 00:09:13,002 --> 00:09:16,103 I-I'm pretty sure Principal Shepherd killed his wife. 193 00:09:16,173 --> 00:09:18,706 That's a serious accusation. Do you have any proof? 194 00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,875 I have something better than proof: 195 00:09:20,943 --> 00:09:23,844 rank suspicion born out of boredom and loneliness. 196 00:09:23,913 --> 00:09:26,181 Sorry, that's just not enough for us to go on. 197 00:09:26,249 --> 00:09:29,617 You must be pretty tired from thinking about all this. 198 00:09:29,686 --> 00:09:32,126 - You ever get bags under your eyes? - What? 199 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,832 I've been using this eye cream, 200 00:09:33,856 --> 00:09:35,122 it's done wonders for me. 201 00:09:35,192 --> 00:09:37,525 It's made by a company called Rodan and Fields. 202 00:09:37,594 --> 00:09:38,926 Have you heard of them, Brian? 203 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:41,196 - Yeah, I-I think, uh... - Oh, they make terrific stuff. 204 00:09:41,264 --> 00:09:42,863 In fact, I was such a fan, 205 00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:45,166 I became a sales consultant for the company. 206 00:09:45,235 --> 00:09:46,467 Listen, Joe, I got to run. 207 00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:48,347 I'm hosting a little get-together tomorrow night, 208 00:09:48,371 --> 00:09:51,005 if you want to stop by. There's gonna be pizza 209 00:09:51,074 --> 00:09:52,139 and soft drinks, 210 00:09:52,209 --> 00:09:54,442 then a man's gonna talk about the whole line. 211 00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,611 Can I go ahead and confirm your attendance? 212 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,257 Well, that was no help. 213 00:09:58,281 --> 00:10:00,198 What if I go over there and try to find 214 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,467 some evidence that he did it? 215 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,279 All right, fine. But you have to be careful. 216 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,237 Don't worry. he won't have any idea. I'll be more discreet 217 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,857 than a guy standing by himself in the ocean. 218 00:10:10,793 --> 00:10:12,526 - Hey, are you peeing? - No. 219 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,495 Are you pooping? 220 00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:16,175 I'm just trying to enjoy the day. 221 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,944 Why don't you go bother that guy? 222 00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:19,800 Summer's blown by, huh? 223 00:10:23,973 --> 00:10:25,940 So, your mom says you've been drinking. 224 00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:27,419 Yeah, like, a little bit, but... 225 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:29,155 but it's nothing you have to worry about. 226 00:10:29,179 --> 00:10:31,179 Look, I-I was young, too, you know. 227 00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:34,481 I-I remember going to parties, walking up with a six pack. 228 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,484 You're so excited to get there you start jogging a little. 229 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:40,154 Your friends are all there, and they're so happy to see you, 230 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,901 they're practically cheering your name. 231 00:10:41,925 --> 00:10:44,658 And then "Mony Mony" comes on at just the right time. 232 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,127 And everyone's dancing, 233 00:10:46,196 --> 00:10:48,963 and-and Laura Hallston's jugs are just slamming into you. 234 00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:50,442 You don't have a care in the world, 235 00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:51,844 and if all of it came to an end 236 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:53,901 right then and there, so be it. 237 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,302 Well, you're my daughter, 238 00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:58,056 and I don't want any of that for you. 239 00:10:58,124 --> 00:10:59,869 Hey, you want to see where I was sitting 240 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,392 when you were born? 241 00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,532 Yeah, I still think about Laura a lot. 242 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,734 You were already drinking tonight, weren't you? 243 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,202 A little. 244 00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,538 Well, I can't talk to a drunk person if I'm sober. 245 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,757 Hey, Jerome, can I get a beer, please? 246 00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:18,159 But now I'm starting to sober up, 247 00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:21,028 so I'm gonna need one to keep an even playing field. 248 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,197 All right, but it stays between us. 249 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,632 And what if they card you? 250 00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:26,033 Don't worry. I got it covered. 251 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,022 Wow. That's really good. 252 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,725 Right?! Jerome, make it two! 253 00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:39,898 ♪ My girl wants to party all the time ♪ 254 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:43,801 ♪ Party all the time, party all the time ♪ 255 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,072 ♪ My girl wants to party all the time ♪ 256 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,924 ♪ Party all the time ♪ 257 00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:00,668 ♪ I buy you champagne and roses ♪ 258 00:12:00,737 --> 00:12:02,587 ♪ Put diamonds on your finger ♪ 259 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,355 ♪ Diamonds on your finger ♪ 260 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,956 ♪ Party all the time ♪ 261 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:08,193 ♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ 262 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,512 ♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪ 263 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:13,497 ♪ My girl wants to party all the time ♪ 264 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,401 ♪ Party all the time ♪ 265 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,970 ♪ Yeah. ♪ 266 00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:28,863 All right, he's gone. Now, if I give the word, 267 00:12:28,932 --> 00:12:30,242 you've got to get out of there, okay? 268 00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,699 Got it. 269 00:12:31,768 --> 00:12:33,400 Oh, my God! 270 00:12:33,469 --> 00:12:34,752 What? What is it? 271 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:36,387 He sleeps in a bunk bed! 272 00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:38,267 Are you kidding me?! Who is this guy?! 273 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,557 Wait a second. Is that...? 274 00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,371 Bri, I'm gonna put you down for a sec. 275 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,560 Stewie, no! Don't. 276 00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:51,536 Stewie, get out of there! 277 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,404 Stewie! Stewie! 278 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:56,290 Got to get his attention. 279 00:12:57,794 --> 00:12:59,226 Man, just short. 280 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:04,048 Oh, God. 281 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,479 Domino's. 282 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,681 Oh, good. 283 00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:23,201 Medium pie, ten wings. 284 00:13:23,269 --> 00:13:25,214 Is the blue cheese dressing in there? 285 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,682 Thanks a lot. Have a good one. 286 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:34,745 Mmm. 287 00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:44,338 He got out! Ha, ha! Yes, Stewie! 288 00:13:56,853 --> 00:13:58,235 Oh, crap. 289 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,038 Oh, my, that was close. 290 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,957 Stewie, he saw you! He saw you leaving his apartment! 291 00:14:03,025 --> 00:14:05,293 Oh. Well... so what? 292 00:14:05,361 --> 00:14:07,201 He doesn't know what we're doing. 293 00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:12,467 What? What is it? 294 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,120 Well, that's... 295 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,889 that's not good. 296 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,567 Dad? Dad, wake up! 297 00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:32,381 - Huh? What happened? - I don't know! 298 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,116 We must have stolen this boat last night. 299 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:36,123 I-I have no idea where the hell we are! 300 00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,094 Oh, no, my cell phone's dead! 301 00:14:40,163 --> 00:14:41,807 I got a little bit of juice left, 302 00:14:41,831 --> 00:14:43,798 so we can either A, call someone, 303 00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:45,678 maybe they answer, maybe they can help, 304 00:14:45,702 --> 00:14:48,335 or B, we can definitely switch faces. 305 00:14:49,339 --> 00:14:51,739 Look at you! Look at me! 306 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,825 That's what this is! 307 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,526 Oh, we're gonna die. 308 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,551 Dad, what are we gonna do? 309 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:05,397 You think it's too early to tie our shirts 310 00:15:05,421 --> 00:15:07,605 around our heads to show we're going insane? 311 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,840 I mean it, Dad. This is serious. 312 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,409 I did pants instead. 313 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,112 Ugh! I don't feel so hot. 314 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,546 What is wrong with me? 315 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,659 Have you taken a break since you started drinking? 316 00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,150 Not until right now. 317 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,330 Do you feel like lying on the couch, rubbing your eyes, 318 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,199 while listening to Lou Reed's "Perfect Day"? 319 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,788 - Yes! - Then I'll tell you 320 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:26,735 what's wrong with you. You got a hangover. 321 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,437 What can you do for a hangover? 322 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,361 Well, Meg, so I don't have to think 323 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,662 about my throbbing headache, 324 00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,332 I try to think of something else, like a riddle. 325 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,034 Like, how would you describe Chris O'Donnell? 326 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,505 Huh. He's not tall or short. 327 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,873 And he's not fat or thin. 328 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,543 Well, he's not handsome or ugly. 329 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:48,613 And he's not young or old. 330 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,149 He's not loud or quiet. 331 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:54,084 Uh, he's not memorable, but-but I know who he is. 332 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,120 Thanks, Dad! 333 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,988 I feel so much better. 334 00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,457 But you know who doesn't? 335 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,825 Chris O'Donnell. Bye, dildo. 336 00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:11,886 Oh, no. Hard shoes on linoleum. 337 00:16:11,954 --> 00:16:13,120 That's a principal! 338 00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:15,200 Brian, a lot of people live in this building, 339 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,525 and you can't tell it's a principal just from a walk. 340 00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:22,596 Excuse me? May I have your attention, please? 341 00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:24,398 Okay, that's probably a principal. 342 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:31,639 Hey. How are you today? What can I do for you? 343 00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:32,973 What do you want from me? 344 00:16:33,042 --> 00:16:35,092 Listen, it's... it's-it's not what you think. 345 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:38,228 - Then what is it? - Well... I'm, um... 346 00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:39,908 I'm actually doing a documentary 347 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,510 about some of the finest principals 348 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,535 - in the country, and... - Ow! Continue. 349 00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,971 "Finest principals in the country" and... 350 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,340 Brian! 351 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,809 Stewie! Help me! 352 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,411 How did I get here? 353 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,246 Well, to answer that, 354 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,825 you'd have to go back a little while. 355 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,960 We're not doing that! 356 00:17:02,972 --> 00:17:04,171 We found this in a Dumpster 357 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,951 behind Principal Shepherd's building. 358 00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:07,742 That's it. That's-that's the bag! 359 00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:09,530 I guarantee his wife's in there. 360 00:17:13,349 --> 00:17:15,269 Ha! What's the matter, rook? Too heavy for you? 361 00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:17,150 I've actually been a cop for years. 362 00:17:17,219 --> 00:17:18,619 I have tummy cancer. 363 00:17:18,688 --> 00:17:20,754 Oh. Weird way to say that. 364 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,875 What the hell? Bu-But I saw... 365 00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,194 - Yeah, well, what is all this? - Principal Shepherd, 366 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,614 I think you've got some explaining to do. 367 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:32,366 Look, I tried to tell you, I didn't kill my wife. 368 00:17:32,435 --> 00:17:34,936 She just texted me today that she's moved out 369 00:17:35,004 --> 00:17:36,603 and she's banging my cousin, 370 00:17:36,672 --> 00:17:38,472 Pat Sajak's accountant, by the way. 371 00:17:38,541 --> 00:17:40,252 It's a weird time to name drop. 372 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,188 And the food, well, I've been stealing it 373 00:17:42,212 --> 00:17:44,089 from the high school to make ends meet. 374 00:17:44,113 --> 00:17:46,413 My life's "kinda brute," as the kids say. 375 00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,216 Sounds like you've had a rough day. 376 00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:51,452 No wonder you've got those bags under your eyes. 377 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,199 Have you ever heard of a company 378 00:17:53,223 --> 00:17:55,389 called Rodan and Fields? 379 00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:01,812 Ugh. Are all hangovers this bad? 380 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:04,514 Yup, that's the deal you make with the gods of fun. 381 00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:07,167 Every 72 hours, you lose a day. 382 00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:09,420 Dad, you're so sunburnt. 383 00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:11,539 I can't move because it hurts too bad. 384 00:18:11,607 --> 00:18:13,490 Ugh. This is awful. 385 00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:15,927 We don't even know if anyone's looking for us. 386 00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,907 Look, don't worry. We're gonna be okay. 387 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,651 This is why you shouldn't drink. 388 00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:22,366 Booze is nothing but trouble, and you don't need it. 389 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,062 You got a good brain in your head. 390 00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:25,502 Thanks, Dad, 391 00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,704 and if this is what drinking makes you feel like, 392 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,284 you don't have to worry about it. 393 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,209 I am done with booze. 394 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,144 Aw, I'm glad to hear that. 395 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:35,079 And I'm sorry I pushed it on you. 396 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:38,049 I just... I just wanted to watch TV. 397 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,929 I don't want to see you waste opportunities 398 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:43,220 'cause you were out partying. That's what I did. 399 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,083 You just worry about being you. 400 00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:46,456 Don't worry, Dad. 401 00:18:46,525 --> 00:18:48,558 I'll never be anything like you. 402 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,261 That's my girl. 403 00:18:51,614 --> 00:18:53,497 Dad, look! 404 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,152 Oh, my God. Meg, we're saved! 405 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:05,976 Thank God you found us. 406 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,978 We're so glad you picked us up... 407 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,980 - Chris O'Donnell? - That's right. 408 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:13,117 And I hope you like turbulence, dildos. 409 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:14,763 The actual Chris O'Donnell 410 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:17,154 is not a Coast Guard helicopter pilot. 411 00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:19,223 We assume he's probably too short. 412 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,330 Oh, my God. Brian, are you okay? 413 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:29,033 - Yeah, I'm fine. - Annie, are you okay? 414 00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,702 So, Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? 415 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:34,405 - What happened to her? - She was hit by, uh... 416 00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,524 She was struck by a smooth criminal. 417 00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:37,974 That was fun, Mom. 418 00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:40,877 We don't get to do a lot of that kind of stuff together. 419 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:43,481 Listen, Brian, we want you to come home again. 420 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,851 Oh, so the Twitter pariah is finally welcome home? 421 00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:49,937 No, but the school board hero dog is. 422 00:19:50,006 --> 00:19:51,438 It was all over the papers. 423 00:19:51,507 --> 00:19:53,941 You saved the school $206 424 00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:55,487 from all the food they recovered 425 00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:57,272 from Principal Shepherd's fridge. 426 00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,830 So... you really want me to come home? 427 00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:02,099 They're still gonna serve that food? 428 00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:03,800 Of course we do. 429 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:06,987 Hey, where's everyone else? 430 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,340 Oh, my God. Peter, what happened? 431 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,709 What happened? A fair question. 432 00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,111 And to answer it, we have to go back a ways. 433 00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:15,257 Stop doing that thing! 434 00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:16,429 Aw. 435 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,719 Brian, I got to say, 436 00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,533 it's great to have you home again, buddy. 437 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,058 Well, it's great to be here. Living on my own was fun, 438 00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,166 but I couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff 439 00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,939 I was missing being away from you guys. 440 00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:32,774 Did you ever finish that banana, Brian? 441 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,816 And, Meg, I hope you learned your lesson about drinking. 442 00:20:35,885 --> 00:20:39,353 Yeah, I think I'd rather live my life as a loser 443 00:20:39,421 --> 00:20:41,288 than feel bad once in a while. 444 00:20:41,357 --> 00:20:44,157 Well, I hope you know that you're our loser. 445 00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:45,559 Thanks, Mom. 446 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,786 If my life were better here, 447 00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:59,523 would I stop searching for it... up there?